Leaders need to constantly listen.
That’s kind of funny when you think about it, too.
A lot of people raise to leadership by stepping out in front, by volunteering, by showcasing they are the right person to do something – very few find a path to leadership by listening, but it’s the biggest skill any leader can demonstrate.
Being a leader is about bringing the ideas of the team together and guiding them down a road with the intrinsic effort of the team driving car. It’s not about the leader speaking, but many leaders can fall into the habit of talking a lot to drive inspiration, to share a vision, to push a narrative that they believe in, or even more often to ensure themselves of the destination.
Leaders who know the value of listening will drive the car better by sharing the conversation with the team or, even better, listening to the conversation before joining in. They have navigators for the journey, someone who brings snacks, insert more general analogies for a good road trip here.
Leaders who drive the conversation and take up most of the air in the room typically get a team who will see the car drive right into the river (and often jump out right before the car hits the water having said little before the impact).
It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they’ve become numb from feeling silenced and irrelevant.
I’ve been everyone in this analogy. I’ve made the mistake of being the forever talking leader and I’ve been the listener; I’ve been the one riding in the car and I’ve definitely bailed before the car hit the river.
So, if you are a talking leader how do you become a listener?
- Make staff your priority, and if they reach out always, always (always) get back to them to hear what they’ve got to say.
- Listen to not only their words but their behaviors. Read about interpreting body language if you feel like you are missing something – there’s a lot of content out there about that.
- I’ve written before that behind anger is fear and behind fear is uncertainty. Listen to people who express frustration and learn what’s behind it. Their uncertainty is your opportunity.
- Listen to who did what and make sure to always give credit where credit is due. Do it when people aren’t there. Make it your calling card to do that. Let that be the power of your leadership, the contributions of your team – not the glory of your outcomes.
- If people are resisting you and what you're doing isn’t working, listen to what they are saying and ask yourself how you need to change. A rank or title alone will not give you the respect of your station, listen to what is missing and help fill that gap rather than be frustrated by where you aren’t.
- Stop thinking about your narrative. Stop fretting over what people will say and listen to what is being said. If you listen, you’ll hear something that’ll challenge you, the team, or the organization – that or maybe you’ll find an idea, an organizational risk, or maybe (gasp) you’ll learn something new!
The biggest challenge I can give to a newly listening leader is not to simply listen, but to listen to people you don’t agree with or maybe even don’t like. Seek it out. Challenge yourself.
The best leaders I’ve ever known are willing to change their minds and opinions if they are wrong and are willing to admit it when it happens. The worst I’ve ever known are more concerned with their authority, image, or control to ever see what’s wrong.
A final thought from Alan Alda, “Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” If that’s the definition, when was the last time you listened to someone?